yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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