We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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