Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
