I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
