there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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