I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
