its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
