It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
