i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
