Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
