dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
