your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
