the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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