no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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