If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
