You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
