ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
