He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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