Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize