The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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