Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
