they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
