the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
