I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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