Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
