OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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