She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
