I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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