it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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