I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
