I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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