you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
