Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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