so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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