My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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