would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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