no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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