Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
