I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
