im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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