All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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