a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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