It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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