Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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