sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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