420 ftw
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize