Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just had sex on a roof
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
