I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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