Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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