I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
