I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize