I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
