Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
