you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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