coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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