I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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