I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We're too hungover to prance.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
