it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
