PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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