I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
