I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
