I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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