So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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