she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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