Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
