Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
