its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
