Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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