I am puke
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
