You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
