it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
