May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Holy shit dude........stairs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize