so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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