my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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