Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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