i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
