highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
