Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
