Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize