he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
