I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
