we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
