Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize