I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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