I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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