I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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