you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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