There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
