If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
