I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
