I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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