I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
