everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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