So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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