I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
