i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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