the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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