I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
