I think I died a long time ago.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
