5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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