well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize