I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
