Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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