Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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