he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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