He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
