I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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