Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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