i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
