take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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