No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
