i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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