her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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